“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it." - Josh Billings
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud