“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw