“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw