Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
Hey, are you an anchor? Because you've done nothing but weigh me down.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Aside from being single, what do you do for a living?
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
We're donion rings.
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you every f**king day.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Baby are you an angel? Because I'm a atheist.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Girl its been fun
But im leaving you
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
Are you an astronaut? Because I need some space.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
Me: Did it hurt?
Her: Did what hurt?
Me: When the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Hey, baby. I'm calling myself Han because you need to be Solo.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
I think we need to become better strangers.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Sorry sweety, but I think I'm in love with your mom.
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Let’s make like an atom, and split.
Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
I don’t know what I’d do without you, but starting tomorrow I’m going to give it a try.
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
We must be a cast on a spiral fracture, girl. Because we’re on a serious break.
"It's not me, it's you!"
I’d better get a library card, because I’m checking out of this relationship.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
You look like my future ex wife.
Excuse me, I seem to have lost my phone number, can you do the same?
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!