If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Do you want to dance?
Great, then I can sit there.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
So how many cats do you have?
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
He wants his toe back.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you a red light because stop.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
My fridge is hotter than you.