"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you." – Andy Ronney
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read." – George Burns
"Old age comes at a bad time." – San Banducci
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"I refuse to admit I’m more than fifty-two, even if that does make my sons illegitimate." - Nancy Astor
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher