Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
"I wish I could say you were the most special person in the world, but you're not."
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
This relationship is kinda like the Superbowl LIII halftime show; I can’t wait for it to be over.
Honey if I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put the letters "DON'T LOVE" in between I and U
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
Girl, have we both been rendered sightless? Because we ain’t seeing each other anymore.
Honey, I need you to cancel my subscription. I’m done with your issues.
Dang girl, are you an angel? Because you are dead to me.
Hey babe, I think its about time we cancel our gym membership. We're not working out anymore
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met. Goodbye.
"You're not Mr. Right.... just Mr. Right Now."
The mothership has returned and I must leave.
"Roses are red, violets are blue. We're breaking up beacause I never loved you."
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be dead than continue seeing you!
Are you a thief? Because you stole a year of my life.
Knock knock. Who's there?
You're.
You're who?
You're single again.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"There's something I've been wanting to say since the day we met - goodbye."
"Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?"
You look like my future ex wife.
"Sorry I stopped contacting you. I had to go back to rehab."
You are so right. And I am so left.
Are you the dog? Because your shit’s all over the lawn.
Are you a dollar bill? Because you’re single.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
We're donion rings.
What’s the difference between me and your socks? I’m not yours anymore.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
"My cat doesn't like you."
Are you a fire alarm? because you are really freaking loud and annoying
Hey, babe. I think it's time we take our relationship to the previous level.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Will you be the sun in my life? Then stay millions of miles away from me.
I think this has been said somewhere else.
Hey baby, are you in a tunnel? Because we’re breaking up.
My d**k is committed to you, but my heart is not.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
"I took a gamble and chose you, now i believe I made a bad bet."
I just can't take the bad s*x anymore.
Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because honestly, Karen, you are a demon.
Raise your hand if you have a boyfriend.
Not so fast