Are you a stop watch? Because our time is up.
You are so right. And I am so left.
"Really, our time together has just become more effort than you're worth."
Hey babe, how about I plan a romantic weekend get away, and while I’m gone you can pack your shit and GTFO?
Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?
Here, look at this blank piece of paper for a second… I wrote every reason why we should stick together on it.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
But I don't care
Cause I'm leaving you.
Hey Pumpkin, I just wanted to say that I'm done with having Halloween every day.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I at the beginning and U at the end.
I really like you. So does my wife.
Hey babe, are you the Mcdonald's Ice Cream Machine, because you just aren't working for me anymore.
"Maybe this is not the right time for us"
Hear that sound? (cup hand to ear) Yep- that's a dump truck, and it's coming for you!
Roses are red
And you gotta go
Because I found out
That you is a ho.
Knock knock. Who's there? You're - You're who? - You're single!
Do those legs go all the way? Because you should use them to go away.
You’re the girl that everybody wants. Today is their lucky day.
"It's not me, it's you!"
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because you get picked up by random guys on the bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
My divorce attorney
Remember when I asked you out? Well, I was talking to the girl behind you.
We need to cover more ground so we should split up.
Are you a New Years resolution? Because we stopped working out after the first two weeks
Damn girl, are you a magician’s assistant? Because I want you to disappear from my life.
"The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you."
I'm not gay but I'll learn.
"This isn't easy and neither are you. I'm breaking up with you."
Is it hot in here or is this relationship suffocating me?
"It's not you...it's your taste in music"
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the thin ice our relationship is on.
What’s your sign? Mine is stop.
"Our relationship is like a fat guy."
"What?"
"It's not working out."
Hey, let's hold a costume party. You can be a bank, and I can be alone!
Hey baby, remember how you said that you can’t live without me? Well, it’s time to get your affairs in order….
"Do you believe in love at first sight? How about misery after three years?"
"Look, our relationship is like doing push ups on your knees. It's just not working out"
Hey, remember back when we were a thing… Yeah… Good times.
Hey baby, you know what sounds good? You and me never speaking to each other again.
Did we fall from the sky? Because we look pretty broken up right now.
Can we still share a netflix account?
I think we need to become better strangers.
It’s not you – it’s me. I don’t like you anymore.
Boy: Want to hear a joke?
Girlfriend: Sure.
Boy: Our relationship.
Are you a fidget spinner? Because the last time I had fun with you was forever ago and I’m not really interested in touching you anymore. I’m pretty sure you were just a phase and now I’d really like to get you out of my house and forget it ever happened.
Are you a parking ticket? Because you're evidence that I made a mistake.
"I just can't take the bad lovemaking anymore".
Hey baby, I think I'm going blind. Because I can't see you anymore.
I will always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.
"My cat doesn't like you."
"I now pronounce you dumped and single. You may now kiss my ass."