"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken