“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” — Groucho Marx
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!"
~ Anonymous
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” – Joey Adams
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald