"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin