"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield