“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.