"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” —George Burns
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." – Bob Hope
"There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure." - Dennis Wolfberg
"It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle." - Unknown
“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
“You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.” —Billy Arthur
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” - Kitty O’Neill Collins
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?"- Barry Cryer
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down." - Leo Rosenberg
"When you’re older, Friday means less parking spots." - Larry David
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
""Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest." - Larry Lorenzoni
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers