"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to." - Albert Einstein
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
"We must both, I’m afraid, recognise that, as we grow older, we become like old cars – more and more repairs and replacements are necessary." - C.S. Lewis
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day.” – Marty Buccella
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician." - Anonymous
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young." – Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too." – Lionel Kauffman
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Nobody expects to trust his body much after the age of fifty." - Alexander Hamilton
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’" - Claude Pepper
"I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet." - Rita Rudner
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer." - Robert Quillen"
"I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do." - Phyllis Diller
"The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for." - Will Rogers
"When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile." - George Burns
"At my age, flowers scare me." - George Burns
"The idea is to die young as late as possible." - Ashley Montagu
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Today, you’re 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!" - Dave Barry"
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"It is better to wear out than to rust out." - Bishop Richard Cumberland
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
“It’s like you trade the virility of the body for the agility of the spirit.” – Elizabeth Lesser
"All men are the same age." - Dorothy Parker
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
“The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary on it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer
"I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often… but I’m well preserved." - Rose Kennedy
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
"I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed." - Unknown
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” - Andy Rooney
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers