How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.