Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.