What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”