Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.