What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
Why did the Vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
I bought a pumpkin for Halloween but it was broken
So i had to get a pumpkin patch.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
I don't trust pumpkins. They're seedy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you get to meet the tallest vampire in the world? People call him Count Everest.
Ghosts make the best cheerleaders. They have lots of spirit!
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
My dad has been making Halloween related puns all morning
He's now asking that I call him the Halloween Pun King.
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Enjoy goblin up all your Halloween candy — just don't let it go to waist!
I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year. They chose a hot dog...
... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
My new Halloween cookies are bringing everyone back for more!
I call them boo merginues.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow dog."
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.
It’s really hard to pull off.
Son: Dad, did you know they used to carve turnips on Halloween?
Dad: They must have been out of their gourds.
For Halloween I’m going to write “Life” on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy I’m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
I'm going to need to exorcise a lot after all this Halloween candy.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
What do Italians eat on Halloween?
Fettuccine Afraid-O
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you say when you're having dinner with a skeleton? Bone appetit!
Why couldn’t the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
I hope these Halloween puns don't drive you batty.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.
Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.
What does a placebo say on Halloween?
“Trick or Treatment!”
The record store owner needed to get the albums by a Canadian band with Neil Pert on drums out on sale before Halloween...
So he put in a Rush order!
No matter what costumes they wear, when the Halloween candy comes out, everyone is a goblin!
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Went to church on Halloween
Turned out to be a blessing in disguise
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.