People don't believe me when I tell them I'm the lead singer in a Black Eyed Peas tribute band....
Well I am.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
Why did the pianist quit playing the piano?
Bad Bach.
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
Which genre of music appeals to most cheeses? R'n'Brie
Why did the jazz musician refuse to be quarantined?
Cause he was an outdoor cat.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
Follow Beethoven's example. People said he was never going to be a musician because he was deaf. Did he listen to them? Of course not.
What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower? Vibrato.
I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
I hooked a stereo up to my recliner.
Now it's a rocking chair.
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Wanna hear a joke about a staccato?
Never mind, it’s too short.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What kind of cheese is really good at guitar?
Shreddar.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
What does a trumpet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Which music group really embodied the fake it until you make it mantra?
The Pretenders.
I'm 6'6", 280lb, and I've played piano for 23 years
I'm a huge pianist.
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
What is Jehovah's witness' favorite band? The Doors.
What do you call a gingerbread man with one leg bitten off?
Limp Bizkit.