"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cab driver.
Zach Galifianakis
"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz
“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” Willie Sutton.
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. -- Curtis McDougall
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
"Patience is not a virtue for Aries. The phrase Speak now or forever hold your peace, was probably created by an impatient Aries."
— Dr. Atara
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
"Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Is it snowing where you are? All the world that I see from my tower is draped in white and the flakes are coming down as big as pop-corns.” — Jean Webster
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
Zach Galifianakis
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
"I wake up in the morning and lay in my bed waiting for my mom to prepare breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom."
— Unknown
"It's a hill. Get over it."
From a runner's T-shirt
"I’m so cool I wasn’t actually born, I was defrosted."
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal."
— Oprah Winfrey
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it."
Anonymous
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"If it costs you your peace of mind, you’ve overpaid."
— Rigel J. Dawson
"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
“I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” —Howie Mandel
"Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up." - John Wagner
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
Steven Wright