Donut even think about taking another donut!
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
There are so many puppies and kitties around the neighbourhood. Perhaps it is because it has been raining cats and dogs for hours.
I saw a kitten eating chicken in the kitchen.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?”
I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
I just found out my Husband is a Ghost. I realised the moment he walked through the door.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age!
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
Why aren't high school twins afraid of getting mono?
Because they get stereo instead!
When the time came, he betrayed our team and showed his blue colors.
I read Reims of info before I got here, but nothing can prepare you for how beautiful this place is.
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
Why shouldn't you kiss anyone on January 1st?
Because it's only the first date
Why can't buses make friends? Because they only pick up strangers!
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
If you really want to get a date at a restaurant, it’s always nice to cut to the cheese.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Eddie edited it.