In order to consider the feelings of another and create a compromise that suits everyone, you must first think about yourself. To do this you need to clear your head, so meditation, a hot bath, or a few hours of alone time can help you greatly. Use this time to think about what makes you who you are, what you're not willing to give up in your routine, and then ask yourself what your needs are in your relationship. When you have figured all of this out, you’ll know what compromises you can make without taking too much from yourself.
Needs and desires are not the same because needs are things that can’t be compromised, while desires are more flexible. If you don’t satisfy your needs, you’ll have negative feelings about the relationship, and your self-esteem will wane. To know the difference between your needs and desires, ask yourself what things, if absent from your life, will make you feel frustrated - these are the things that if not taken care of, can damage the relationship. If you don’t know what your needs are, go back to the first step and get to know yourself better. Here are a few examples that might help get you started:
• A need for good, clear and honest communication.
• A need for attention.
• A need for affection (hugging and kissing).
• A need for more frequent sex.
• A need to feel loved.
• A need to spend time alone once in a while.
• A need for a spouse who is drug and alcohol-free.
These are just a few examples that might reflect your own needs and they should never be compromised. Look at the following list of desires so that you know what can be compromised:
• A desire to go abroad every year.
• A desire to live in a particular city that you love.
• A desire to purchase products or services that for entertainment.
Despite this distinction, some of the things on the first list may better fit the second list and vice versa. As long as you know yourself well and ask yourself what are the musts in your life, you’ll know how to make that distinction yourself.
A relationship is a two-way street, and in order to compromise, you must also understand what your partner's needs and wants are. In this case, proper communication is the key to success. Ask your partner what their needs and desires are and then examine yourself - where do your needs or desires overlap and where do they clash? It is possible that such a conversation will hit a nerve, and if so, you should take a step back, take a deep breath and return to it when you feel calmer and more considerate.
