The turkey says, "gobble, gobble." I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
When is a turkey scary? When it's a goblin.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe? Copy and basting.
Why did the turkey NOT cross the road? To prove that he wasn't chicken.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
Why did the cranberries turn red? They saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of key has no lock? A turkey.
Why don't turkeys like math? Because when they added three to five... They got Ate. --- What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede? Enough drumstics for a month.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey. Never cared for leftovers anyway.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey? Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
The 13 Funniest Things Said During a Colonoscopy
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!'
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Turkey, we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'