Turkey Jokes

Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Will you let me be the avocado in your turkey sandwich?
The 13 Funniest Things Said During a Colonoscopy 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!' 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?' 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Turkey, we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!' 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?' 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.' And the best one of all: 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Coming to theaters: the thrilling tale of a man who ate biographical books instead of turkey on Thanksgiving.
Baste on a true story.
Hey girl, if you were a turkey you'd only need minimal basting because you're already so juicy.
You’re the gravy to my turkey.
You’re the only girl I'd ever share my secret method to moist turkey with!
This turkey looks great. So are you a breast man or a thigh man?
I'd love to stuff your turkey, sweetheart.
Hope your Turkey is moist and your stuffing in fluffy and when you're done eating you'll be nice and stuffy.
What did the Turkey wear on Halloween?
He was a goblin.
I'm Sneaky Bill, I'm terrible and mean and vicious,
I steal all the cashews
from the mixed-nut dishes.
I eat all the icing but I won't touch the cake,
And what you won't give me,
I'll go ahead and take.
I gobble up the cherries from everyone's drinks,
And whenever there are sausages
I grab a dozen links;
I take both drumsticks if
there's turkey or chicken,
And the biggest strawberries
are what I'm pickin';
I make sure I get the finest chop on the plate,
And I'll eat the portions of anyone's who's late.
I'm always on the spot before the dinner bell--
I guess I'm pretty awful
but
I
do
eat
well!

(William Cole)
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