Thinking Jokes

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam."- George Carlin
I'm cold just thinking about Canada. Let's cuddle.
If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you...
I'd start thinking about you.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said “I’m confused,” I’d be thinking “where the heck did all these nickels come from?”
“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Are you that note I messed up? Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
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