Last Thanksgiving, I cut my hand with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law grabs my bloody wound and starts twisting it. I screamed, “Ouch! What are you doing!!”
He said, “I’m applying a turn-a-cut.”
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
How do you know if a spine finds you funny?
It starts cracking up.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Knock knock!

Who’s there?


Tamara who?

Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Do you know what it's called when you see the sun, the moon and the stars all at the same time?
Really good acid.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that every time he drink tea his eyeball hurts him the doctor brings a cup of tea and handle's it to the man then the man asks for a spoon of sugar after he mixes the sugar he starts to drink tea then he screams as high as he can and say see doctor my eyeball hurts me
The doctor says why don't try to remove the spoon.
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.