Soon

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.
The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
A boy goes to confession.

Boy: "What are you doing father?"
Priest: “Its called masturbation and soon you'll be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that father?"
Priest "Because my hand is getting tired.”
I bought a dog off a blacksmith today.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.
There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.
Security soon discoverd, however, I wasn't the real McCoy.
A patient came to the ER with a rash. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.

She was really itching to get out of here.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
“What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do.”
Tina Fey
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
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