Somebody Jokes

“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”

- Betty White.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?
One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I know somebody that thinks they might like you a lot. And if I wasn’t so shy, I would tell you who it is.
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
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