Somebody

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
Knock Knock Who's there?
Pecan!
Pecan who?
Pecan somebody your own size!
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy I would tell you who.
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?