“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?'”
Sydney J. Harris
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Ron White
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
How do snowboarders introduce themselves when they meet somebody on the slopes?
Sorry Dude.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Somebody stole all my lamps… I couldn’t be more de-lighted!
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
Knock Knock Who's there?
Pecan who?
Pecan somebody your own size!
I know somebody who likes you but if I weren’t so shy I would tell you who.