Share Jokes

Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
Baby, you wanna share a banana split? Split your legs and let me pop your cherry.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
You’re the only girl I'd ever share my secret method to moist turkey with!
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
We can share my yoga mat so we can become one.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
Can we still share a netflix account?
Would you like to share fire with me?
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