Share Jokes

“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’”
— Cookie Monster
Would you like to share fire with me?
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
We can share my yoga mat so we can become one.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Can we still share a netflix account?
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
I really can't finish a box of strawberries all by myself, Would you like to share with me over some wine?
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
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