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Putting

Quotes
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
Miles Kington
Gun Puns
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
Clever Jokes
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Dirty Short Jokes
As the nurse is making the rounds at the old folks home...
She stops by Carl's room and sees him putting black shoe polish all over his penis. Dismayed, she exclaims "no, no, no Carl, you misunderstood. I said remember to turn your clock back."
Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done.
Puns
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
Putting on contacts without a mirror is hard
You just gotta eyeball it.
Bread Puns
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Koala Puns
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
Rabbit Puns
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Water Puns
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Hot Dog Puns
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
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