Putting Jokes

It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies "I think not!"
POOF! The horse disappears.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am.

But to explain the concept beforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.
My mother likes to tell people when I was little that I told her I loved her alphabet soup.
I didn’t, she just likes putting words in my mouth.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
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