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Putting Jokes

Mushroom Puns
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Funny Parenting Quotes
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.
Garden Quotes
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
Funny Break Up Lines
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
Sink Puns
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What do you get from putting a diamond in a printer?
A carbon copy.
There's something wrong with my printer. I keep putting in paper but the display says it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"...
Furniture Puns
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
Flamingo Puns
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
Funny Animal Quotes
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
Irish Puns
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
Dirty Oral Pick Up Lines
I like my foods just like how I like boys
Steaming hot.
And I'll give it a quick blow before putting it inside me
Cosmetics Puns
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
Laundry Puns
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
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