Putting Jokes

I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
— Anonymous
It’s a good thing we’re bad at puzzles because there is no way we’re putting this shit back together.
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
What do you get from putting a diamond in a printer?
A carbon copy.
There's something wrong with my printer. I keep putting in paper but the display says it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"...
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”

- Phil Pastoret.
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
I like my foods just like how I like boys
Steaming hot.
And I'll give it a quick blow before putting it inside me
Putting on makeup and putting on glasses serve the same purpose...
They make the person look better!
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
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