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Please

Insults & Comebacks
Hey Steve, do you shower after sex?
Well yes Bob, I do.
Great, can you please get laid more often?
Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
Arm Puns
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.
He goes up to the bartender and says "A drink please and another for the road."
Blonde Jokes
A blonde was cruising down the highway at breakneck speed when a cop pulled her over.
“May I see your license and registration, please?” asked the cop.
Miffed, the blonde said, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and today you want me to show it to you!”
Medical Puns
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
Beach Puns
Beach, please.
Please excuse my resting beach face.
Quotes
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
Train Puns
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.



A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
Nerdy Pick Up Lines
"My name is Khan, please sit and entertain me."
One Liners and Short Jokes
Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.
Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.
Corona Virus Jokes
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus."
Please stop with all the corona jokes.
I‘m sick of it.
Me: I'll have a Corona please.

Waiter: *Cough

Me: Thank you.
Ocean Puns
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
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