Pet Jokes

“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats
Why Dogs Are Better Pets Than Cats Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest! 1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap. 2. Cats look silly on a leash. 3. When you come home from work, your dog will be happy and lick your face. Cats will still be mad at you for leaving in the first place. 4. Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born. 5. A dog knows when you're sad. And he'll try to comfort you. Cats don't care how you feel, as long as you remember where the can opener is. 6. Dogs will bring you your slippers. Cats will drop a dead mouse in your slippers. 7. When you take them for a ride, dogs will sit on the seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private basket, or they won't go at all. 8. Dogs will come when you call them. And they'll be happy. Cats will have someone take a message and get back to you. 9. Dogs will play fetch with you all day long. The only thing cats will play with all day long are small rodents or bugs, preferably ones that look like they're in pain. 10. Dogs will wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What kind of pet fish did the skeleton have?
A bonefish.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a pet dog?
A terrified postman.
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”

- Jarod Kintz.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”

- Marty Pollio.
I took my pet tiger to my doctor
Because it had a very bad day.
Now, my tiger’s depression is still there,
But my doctor has gone away.

(Barry Stebbings)
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