Jokes > Tags > Own

Own

Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
My girlfriend tried to make me have se* on the hood of her Honda Civic…
But I refused. If I’m going to have se*, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
A Neo-Nazi Walks Into a Bar
A Neo-Nazi Walks Into a Bar A Neo-Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there." As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Neo-Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected. So he goes back to the bar. "Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf." The Neo-Nazi looks again at the Jew and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before "Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman. The bartender shrugs: "Well he does own the bar."
Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in.
I asked: “What are you doing?”
“Working from home.”
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
Did you hear about the man who had nothing else to do so drilled into his own head?
He was bored to death.
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
Les Dawson
“You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower