Ones Jokes

What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
“Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.”
— Unknown
Since all the hot ones are already taken, this is going to be your lucky night!
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Sometimes we eat when we’re hungry
Or else when we’re just in the mood,
But everyone’s habits are different
In how we relate to our food.

There are 3 meals-a-day folk as well as
The ones who skip breakfast or lunch
And grazers who nibble for most of the day
Or snackers who in-between munch.

There are people with junk food addictions
And those who shun pork, beef or fish,
While the gluten or carb-free among us
Pay attention to what’s in each dish.

As for sweets, that’s a whole other story –
When you think about ice cream or pie
Or the various candies and chocolates
Without which some could never get by.

Just consider your own way of eating
With the foods you enjoy or you sneak
And you’ll realize, if you broach the subject,
That our diets are all most unique!

(Ilene Bauer)
"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home."- Phyllis Diller
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
I married my wife for her looks. Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”

- Phyllis Diller.
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