Needs

Yo mama so fat she needs a GPS to find her ass hole.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pu**y needs.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the IT professional, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?
Because every play needs a cast.
Yo Mama so short she needs a stool to pick her nose.
There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.
There once was a farmer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
It soon came to pass,
He was covered with grass,
But has all the tomatoes he needs.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What Your Husband Needs
What Your Husband Needs After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the husband went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs he had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the husband to stand, she embraced and kissed him long and passionately as his wife watched with a raised eyebrow. The man shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the wife and said, 'this is what your husband needs at least 3 times a week. Can you see to it?' 'Well,' she said, 'I can drop him off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I have book club.'