Needs Jokes

If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.
If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Hablas Espanol? No matter — my love needs no translation.
I need you like a night needs the moon.
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What Your Husband Needs After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the husband went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs he had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the husband to stand, she embraced and kissed him long and passionately as his wife watched with a raised eyebrow. The man shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the wife and said, 'this is what your husband needs at least 3 times a week. Can you see to it?' 'Well,' she said, 'I can drop him off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I have book club.'
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy