Needs Jokes

That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
Apparently my password needs to be capitals only so I've changed it to LONDONMADRIDROME.
“From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she needs good looks, from 35 to 55 she needs a good personality, and from 55 on she needs cash.” – Sophie Tucker
Who needs a sled when you can just ride me?
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Hablas Espanol? No matter — my love needs no translation.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
Who needs a map when one can Rome freely in your beautiful eyes?
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What Your Husband Needs After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the husband went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs he had endured. Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the husband to stand, she embraced and kissed him long and passionately as his wife watched with a raised eyebrow. The man shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the wife and said, 'this is what your husband needs at least 3 times a week. Can you see to it?' 'Well,' she said, 'I can drop him off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I have book club.'
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
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