Near Jokes

Some folks call me a sausage dog
I think they couldn’t be meaner
It’s not my fault I’m long and short
And look like a misshapen wiener

I’ve got four stumpy little legs
So my tummy is near to the ground
My owner’s take me for a drag not a walk
Guess that's why they named me Cigarette!

(Rob Carmack)
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
March 17 is near, and I am so excited about it. The clover it gets, the more excited I become.
Baby, when you're near me my heart beats like a hedgehog's. That's about 300 beats a minute.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
(Anne Scott)
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
My Little Chocolate Mess

Bathwater and bubbles are waiting,
but my child is nowhere near.
Yet, I can see from cookie crumbs,
he's crawled from here to there.

Oh, yes! he's been in the kitchen.
I see his crooked crumb trail,
which leads to our white kitten,
with a chocolate, sticky tail!

In every room I search
for my little chocolate mess.
Then, I find him in the my bedroom,
with his hands on my new dress!

(Darlene Gifford)
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
"You are so tall, how's the weather near your face."
"You will find out if you grow up."
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Why did no one want to sit near Shrek?
He had terrible body ogre.
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