Leaves

A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
A lady sees a cowboy and says "are you really a cowboy?" The cowboy says "why yes mame, born and raised right here in Montana and have worked on the ranch since I was knee high to a pup."

The woman says " I've always wondered why cowboys always wear those big hats." The wide brim keeps the sun off'aya when it's hot and the rain off'aya when it rain'n."

"Why do you all wear vests?" Well mame, it keeps ya warm when it's cold but it leaves your arms free for rope'n and work'n."

"What about the chaps? " "They keep the burrs and brambles off'a ya."

She says "that all makes perfect sense, but what I don't understand is why you'd wear tennis shoes."

"Aww, that's easy, that's so folks don't mistake us for TRUCKERS!"
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What kind of fire leaves a room damp?
A humidifire.