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Keeps Jokes

Utensils Puns
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Can you be the fence that keeps me from freedom?
Funny Parenting Quotes
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
Onion Puns
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Funny Money Quotes
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
Food Quotes
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
Tableware Puns
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Gnome Puns
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Yard Puns
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Thanksgiving Pick Up Lines
My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?
Ghoul Puns
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
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