Fit Jokes

What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
The vampire decided to eat a throat lozenge. It was the only thing he could think of to stop his coffin fit.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
I must stop eating Snickers
I can’t fit in my knickers
Have less food on my plate
Won’t moan about my weight

(Jan Allison)
I’m trying a new ‘see food’ diet
I’d recommend that you all try it
Any food will do
Nothing’s bad for you ...
It's no wonder my trousers don’t fit!

(Jan Allison)
I endured burnt offerings at the table -
A meal ‘cooked’ by my mother in law
If I hadn’t been married her lovely son
I’d have walked straight out of the door!

I heaved at every charred mouthful
Smiled, and said the meal was ‘divine’
She told me she’d had cookery lessons
But her food was only fit to feed swine!

Is my poem just a fairy story
Or is it a clever allegory?

(Laura Loo)
We fit together like a gitch in a wedgie.
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Packing is my expertise. So, I can easily fit into your heart.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
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