Feed

My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?

Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint. The phone rings and he jumps up shouting, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog!"
Why did the farmer feed money to his cow?
He wanted rich milk.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen,
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.