“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” Jerry Seinfeld
Once there was an elephant, Who tried to use the telephant— No! No! I mean an elephone Who tried to use the telephone— (Dear me! I am not certain quite That even now I’ve got it right.) Howe’er it was, he got his trunk Entangled in the telephunk; The more he tried to get it free, The louder buzzed the telephee— (I fear I’d better drop the song Of elephop and telephong!)
A woman was sued by a man for defamation of character. He charged that she had called him a pig. She was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, she asked the judge: "Does this mean I cannot call Mr. Johnson a pig?"
The judge said that was true.
"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mr. Johnson?" asked the woman.
The judge replied that she could indeed call a pig Mr. Johnson with no fear of being charged with a crime.
The woman turned, looked directly at Mr. Johnson, and said, "Good afternoon, Mr. Johnson."