Credit Jokes

"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why did the credit card go to jail? It was guilty as charged.
Though my brother won the art competition, he went up to his rival and gave him the credit where it was hue!
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
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