“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate. It was the grater of two evils.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs... ...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth. I let him loose so that he could fly South. But he came home again. This proves that I can't win. He says the F word two hundred times a day. He offends everybody and drives them away. Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them. I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him. I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner. If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
Bubba and Billy Bob were known for having quite a bit below the average smarts around Little Rock.
One day, in the Little Rock Walmart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize - a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Walmart.
Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna switch back to paper."
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Bubba and Billy Bob were known for having quite a bit below the average smarts around Little Rock.
One day, in the Little Rock Walmart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They each bought five tickets at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Billy Bob won 1st place - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize - a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Walmart.
Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"
Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna switch back to paper."
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