Bone Jokes

Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What does the skeleton chef say when he serves you a meal?
- Bone Appetit!
What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
Why are skeletons so good at telling jokes?
Because they have a funny bone.
What happened to the skeleton who sat by the fire for too long?
He became bone dry.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
Tiger vs. Dog A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he is lost. Wandering about he notices a tiger heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching tiger. Just as the tiger is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man! That was one delicious tiger. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the tiger halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror overcomes him and slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the tiger. "That was close. That dog nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the tiger. So, off he goes. But the dog sees him heading after the tiger with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the tiger, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the tiger. The tiger is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving dog." Now the dog sees the tiger coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another tiger, and he's still not back!" The tiger ran away.
I have a bone to pixie with you.
I think I can stop my risedronate from now on because you have significantly increased my bone strength.
The Hillbilly and the Whistles A man who had spent his whole life in the countryside visited a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn't know what it was. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown, ass-over-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what has happened and asks the hillbilly, "Why'd you ruin my good kettle?" "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small!"
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Why did the werewolf laugh while chewing on the skeleton?
He got to the funny bone.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
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