Around

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it..
then my illegal logging business is a success.
Me: When is your birthday?

She: March 1st

Me: *walking around the room* When is your birthday?
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
Two meth heads start a relationship, is that considered speed dating
or just mething around?
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What's the most common sleeping position of a man? Around. What does a penis and an ego have in common? All men have one!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
Unknown
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Winston Churchill
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
Jarod Kintz
Tiger vs. Dog
Tiger vs. Dog A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long discovers that he is lost. Wandering about he notices a tiger heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dog thinks, "Boy, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching tiger. Just as the tiger is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man! That was one delicious tiger. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the tiger halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror overcomes him and slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the tiger. "That was close. That dog nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put his knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the tiger. So, off he goes. But the dog sees him heading after the tiger with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the tiger, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the tiger. The tiger is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving dog." Now the dog sees the tiger coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey? I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another tiger, and he's still not back!" The tiger ran away.
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
There's a German butcher around the corner from the hospital.
Just in case someone takes a turn for a wurst.