Blanket Jokes

For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
The Strangers and the Sleeping Blankets A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both go to sleep, the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower. In the middle of the night, the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's make pretend that we're married." "OK!" AWESOME!" the man says happily. "GOOD... now get your own darn blanket!" came the reply.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What did the Papa Blanket say to the Mama Blanket when the Baby Blanket was crying?
Comforter.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
The Unexpected Guest A man returned home a day early from a business trip. It was after midnight. While en-route home he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he wanted to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man! The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, 'Don't do it ! I lied when I told you I inherited money: HE paid for the Porsche I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your football season tickets. HE paid for our house on the lake. HE paid for your Hawaiian golf vacation. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head in amazement, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cabby and said, 'What would you do?' The cabby replied, 'Me? I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold!!'
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
A Priest and Nun On the Road A priest and a nun are on a trip to a faraway monastery when their car breaks down in the middle of nowhere as a blizzard rages above them. They find a deserted cabin and take shelter. They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets. The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself. As they get tucked in for the night, the nun calls out, "father, father, I'm cold!" so the priest gets up and puts another blanket on the nun. "is that better, sister?" he asks. "yes father, much better," she replies. So he gets back in his sleeping bag and starts to nod off when she again calls out with "father, I'm still cold!" so once again, the priest gets up and puts another blanket on her, ensuring she is tucked into the bed well. "Is that better, sister?" he asks. "Oh yes, father, that's much better," she says. So the priest gets himself back into the sleeping bag, and this time is just starting to dream when he wakes up to her call of "Father, father, I'm just so cold!" The priest thinks long about this and finally says, "Sister, we are in the middle of nowhere in a blizzard. No one but you, myself, and the Lord himself will ever know what happens here this night. How about, just for this night, we act as though we were married?" The nun thinks on this for a minute. She can't help but admit to herself she's been curious, and finally answers with a tentative "OK, father, just for tonight, we will act as though we are married." "Wonderful." The father replies, "Now get up and get your own darn blanket, you great lazy lump!"
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
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