Acting Jokes

My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
“I don’t know what’s more exhausting about parenting: the getting up early, or acting like you know what you’re doing.”

- Jim Gaffigan.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Thankfully, not too many thieves are interested in acting on stage. They'd surely steal the show.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
I remember when I was small and cool,
I was always playing truant from school.
My mum used to say,
"You'll regret it one day
When you grow up to become a fool."

Now I'm old; the damage is done.
How I wish I'd listened to Mum.
If I could turn back time,
I'd study hard and toe the line
Instead of acting foolish and dumb.

Now let that be a lesson to one and all
That life is more than just having a ball.
It was great having fun
When I was young,
But I wish I'd spent more time in the school hall.

(By John P. Read )
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
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