The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.” Caroline raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see New York City and I was fascinated.” The teacher sighed and said, “Well, that was good Caroline, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.” Little Johnny raised his hand, now the teacher knew he was a bit of a scamp, but she was desperate to finish this lessons, so she finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate.” She sighed. "Go head, Johnny." Little Johnny smiles, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her breasts are so big she can only fasten eight!” The teacher sat down and cried.

This young woman ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?" "Sure." I said, being the gentleman I am. As we walked through, she told me that she had tried to ask other guys before me, but no one would do it. What has come of this world, when a man won't give a hand to lovely lady to walk her through a dark place. "Thank God you're not like that." She smiled at me. "I suppose it's silly, being afraid of cemeteries at my age." I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive."

A panel of doctors was asked for their opinions concerning a proposal to build a new wing to their hospital. This was what they said: The Allergists could barely breathe for the shock. The Dermatologists preferred no rash moves be made. The Psychiatrists thought the whole thing was deluded. The Radiologists could see right through it. The Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling about it being a bad idea; The whole thing gave them a stomach ache. The Neurologists thought the administration had a big brain idea. The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted but rectifiable. The Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body." while hiding behind a patient. The Pediatricians said, "Grow up!", then held their breath until blue. The Plastic Surgeons said this was a stretch. The Podiatrists were afraid it was the wrong step. The Urologists felt they were pissing away money. The Anesthesiologists thought it was a pipe dream. The Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no... And the Surgeons weren't even allowed to cut in!

A couple just had their first son. The husband is half Irish and half Indian, the wife is half Chinese and half Italian. That's a lot of heritage to inherit. They talk about it and they discover they both wish to have their son named after THEIR heritage. A terrible argument ensues, causing both of them a lot of anguish. After a few days, they finally came to a decision that made both of them happy. They decided on the name: Ravi O'Lee.

A burglar was sneaking into a museum, and he had to get past the guard on duty. As he snuck behind the guard, he couldn't help but notice the guard had his head in his hands, and he was crying. "I can't believe I've worked here for 10 years, and everyone has forgotten my birthday again!" He moaned. "Longer hours, more work, and no appreciation! I can't do this anymore!" The guard said to himself as he continued to sob. The burglar could easily sneak past, but found himself feeling bad for the guard. Instead of proceeding with his plan, the burglar's sympathy for the guard got the better of him. He marched right down to the museum curator's office and kicked in the door. There sat the director of the museum, the head of HR, and the head of security in a meeting. "What are you doing here? How did you get pass the guard?!?" shouted the museum director. "Gentlemen," said the burglar, "I'm afraid you've let your guard down."

A duck goes into a store and waddles up to the manager. He asks him if he sells duck food. The shopkeeper tells him no. The duck then leaves. The next day the duck returns and asks the same question again. The shopkeeper tells him, testily, that the store still doesn’t sell duck food. The duck leaves. The following day the duck returns again and asks the same question. The shopkeeper is getting pissed off, so says no and warns the duck if he asks one more time, he will staple the duck’s feet to the floor. The next day the duck goes back into the store. He waddles up to the (now red faced) shopkeeper and asks ‘Do you sell staples?’ 'No'. The puzzled shopkeeper says. 'Great.' Says the duck. 'Do you sell duck food?’