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8 Ways to Create Emotional Security in a Relationship

Deep and meaningful relationships aren’t formed overnight, as opposed to passion and attraction, and it takes a considerable amount of time for us to feel emotionally secure in our relationships. Emotional security in a relationship is important for several reasons and, as Dr. Stephen Porges, neuroscientist and behavioral researcher, says, emotional safety is one of the most important elements in establishing a satisfying and fulfilling romantic relationship. So, whether or not you feel emotionally secure in your relationship, it is important that you know the 8 ways that you can create emotional security for you and your partner.couples

1. Be consistent

If you want to feel safe in your relationship, you have to be consistent, according to relationship expert and author, Scarlett Kennedy. The intention of consistency is to take an interest in your partner every day, and at the same time make sure you demand it back. You can start by sending a simple text during the work day, updating on their whereabouts, making plans together, and more. In addition, you have to be true to yourself and if something changes in your plans, keep your partner updated so that you don’t hurt your consistency and the dialogue between you both stays transparent. Kennedy explains that words that aren’t backed up by actions can hurt your relationship, so be aware that you are clear and know how to express yourself in a transparent way so you can feel safe in your relationship and stimulate this feeling in your partner. 

2. Allow yourself to be vulnerable

Few people like to be vulnerable, and although it is very difficult to do, it is, in fact, one of the most important factors in an emotionally safe relationship. Dr. Susan Golicic, a relationship coach, says that when one partner allows themselves to be vulnerable and it isn’t reciprocated, the vulnerable partner can feel hurt and frustrated, eventually leading to them closing up. In this case, and in the event that neither spouse allows themselves to be involved and vulnerable, the relationship may be damaged, so allow yourself to be vulnerable and share what’s in your heart so that you can create intimacy.couples

3. Say positive things to each other

In long relationships, most of us tend to forget to say things like "I love you" or "I appreciate what you do for me," but these and other strong statements are one of the keys to creating emotional security in your relationship. Jennifer Walton LPC explains that positive words, such as those mentioned above, can help create emotional security in different relationships, and therefore, should be integrated into everyday routines so that you don’t forget to say them and you will be able to express and receive affection from one another. If you're not sure what to say, click here and you'll find some important compliments that your partner will be happy to hear.

4. Be honest

Whether you're already in a long-lasting relationship, or just at the beginning, if you plan on spending a lifetime with that person know that you’ll have to deal with a number of unpleasant conversations. What we mean is that you’re going to have to deal with different aspects of your partner's life such as his family dynamics, his work etc.. Health and wellness expert Caleb Backe argues that we should never lie about our feelings, don’t say everything is okay when it’s not. Backe explains that it's okay if we choose not to share everything, all the time, just make sure to be honest about how you are feeling. To create emotional security in your relationship, you will have to deal with such situations, but once you know how to overcome them with complete sincerity, you will feel much closer to each other. couples

5. Set clear boundaries

Each spouse must know how to respect the other's different boundaries, even if it sometimes seems illogical or incomprehensible. Alisa Zipursky, founder of a blog about healing from child sexual abuse, explains that in view of the childhood sexual abuse she experienced, she now understands that emotional safety in relationships can only exist if each partner shares their boundaries and knows how to respect the other's boundaries. For example, if you don’t want your partner to touch you in a certain way, and you shared that with them, then they should respect that request. Similarly, if your partner asks you for some time alone, you must respect their wishes and allow them to spend time alone. 

6. Talk about your past

Each of us carries baggage from our past, whether good or bad, it is what shaped who we are today. True, talking about our past may be uncomfortable, but as divorce mediator Tara Eisenhard explains, to create emotional security in your relationship, you should know and understand the significant points in your partner's life. Tara explains that this awareness of your partner's past life is very important because it brings with it a lot of understanding and empathy. When both partners know the "what" and "why" of their loved ones' baggage, they can work in full partnership to overcome them and feel emotionally secure in their current relationship. couples

7. Take responsibility for the common problems in your relationship

In order for you to feel emotionally secure in your relationship, it is very important that you are equally emotionally mature. The intention here is to take responsibility for your problems, both personal and shared. Every couple has normal fights that can be dealt with, but a lack of taking responsibility and transferring it to your partner may be the deciding factor on whether or not you feel safe in your relationship. Psychotherapist Dr. Tina B. Tessina explains that you shouldn’t make the common mistake of not taking responsibility for your fears and bad moods and thereby making your partner feel responsible for your situation. This can be done by reading the following quotes which will help you take responsibility for your life.

8. Put each other first

We all like to feel loved, especially in relationships where this feeling is very important. This feeling is expressed in the fact that both spouses take care to put the other as their first priority and thus create mutual emotional safety in the relationship. When we know that we are number one in our spouses' lives, we can count on them to be there for us during the times we need them most, says Dr. Laurie Whatley, a licensed marriage and family therapist. couples

Closing words

Once you’ve learned how you can feel emotionally secure in your relationship, it is time to apply the tools you’ve acquired. It is highly recommended that you share your feelings with your partner, and in line with the other tips indicated above, create full confidence in your relationship. We’re sure that from now on you’ll succeed in any obstacle together, in full partnership, one that will make you feel relaxed, complete with yourself and above all, loved.

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